Emotionally unavailable people tend to be perfectionists, always looking for the fatal flaw or character defect that gives them permission to exit a relationship and move on.
In reality, they are debilitated by their own self-criticism and fear of being rejected.
Often they are seducers just looking for another conquest.
Or, if they are over-focused on sex it may be because they don't feel they have anything else to offer.
Have you ever met someone who "romantically" knocked you off your feet -- as in "Hi Mom and Dad...
you're not going to believe this, but I just met the man of my dreams! How did they miss the obvious warning signs before they became intimate and gave their heart away? " or "He wants the same thing I want: to settle down and have children.") For those of us who've been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, we know the pain of not being able to get close to the person we love.
Ironically, most emotionally unavailable people are easy to spot, quite transparent, showing you their true colors, right from the beginning.
Once the relationship becomes too intimate, they'll cut and run. Look out for the person who is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. In a discussion about their past relationships, they will denigrate their former partners.
Often these people "do" charming (as opposed to "being" charming) and are adept at communicating and appearing enthusiastic and enthralled. Their focus is on short-term intimacy, appearing to be open, revealing and vulnerable. Their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created.
Your requests for more time with them are met with excuses about how hard they're working or how tired they feel.
Even after a seemingly intimate weekend, they can disappear for long periods with no regular contact. It's easy for them to utter an "I love you," and then act in a way that is unloving.